Forgiveness

The ability to forgive is one of the most healing and beneficial actions one can take for themselves or others.  In my observations and conversations with students on retreat over the years I have been struck by the number of people carrying the burden of anger, resentment, jealousy or hatred toward another. 

One of the essential purposes of spiritual practice is to develop the capacity to “step out of the box” of our limited perspectives, the conditioning of our limited mindset.  Once someone is able to see the self-harm caused by their inability to forgive, they often become open to exploring their options.  They begin to see that their lack of forgiveness is a heavy burden on themselves with absolutely no benefit to anyone. 

After attending many silent retreats and having a regular sitting practice I began to recognize judgments I held against my father for the anger he directed toward me.  I felt the burden of holding on to these judgments against him.  I decided to see a therapist to explore this unhelpful pattern.  His simple statement to me was “Perhaps he was doing the best he could given the challenges he faced in his childhood.” I must have been ready because his words went right to my heart.  Over the following weeks and months I began to explore his question and in time I was able to fully forgive my father.  A giant burden was released. 

From time to time in retreats I will offer the notion that we might consider that people that have offended us, wounded us or caused us to hold resentment, etc are perhaps “doing the best they could given their own challenges”. I find people’s reactions are quite varied.  Some embrace the idea, others consider this a possibility and other strongly reject it.  There is no “right way” to approach forgiveness. But I encourage all of us to take time to be quiet and still from time to time to reflect on this question of forgiveness and to notice if we are holding on to resentments, anger or judgment toward a person, to feel it’s impact us and to see if we might explore how we might release ourselves from the burden.